Heart and Soul

Well, I did it. I feel so freakin' relieved. However, this guy still thinks that there is a chance, in hinting, "we should do this sometime" and "let's try it again maybe in a few weeks" and that is where I told him I would call him if I felt that it would be right. Personally, I doubt it. That's the plain and simple truth folks. Wow, I feel so much better. This may sound mean and all, but I don't really care about him at all. I'm serious. Maybe it's because I don't like him anymore. I'd like to blame it on that so that I don't feel so terrible. I feel so FREE! It's kind of sad, but it's almost like I feel like I have permission to smile. I can be happy again. This guy is great and all, but it felt like there was a huge weight over me the whole time, like I had to be someone else, even though I was myself. It was as if I was waiting to slip up, to be someone else. I don't know if that makes any sense to any of my readers, but that's my emotion after this break-up. Geez, it was hard enough to break-up with someone who I had only dated for three or four days, I can't imagine loving someone and being in a serious relationship and doing that. We'll see how this works in our ward together. I just wonder how many people know about our relationship initially, but in truth, everyone has a history, someone that they've dated that others know about, so I will simply join the rest of that group, in being part of the ward gossip. Whoop dee do.

Breaking Up

I have decided to break-up with my special friend. This may sound cruel and sad, but when it's over, I think I will be very happy. Ryan is a good guy, but whenever I have been with him, I have felt very uneasy, and the spirit has not been there, and that is not a great feeling. I have fun on our dates, but I'm not happy. Advice from people close to me is to give him a line, to have our relationship take a break, but that's not enough for me. I don't ever want to have that feeling again. Actually, he will be over in a few minutes, and I gave him the line that San Diego used on me a few times. "We need to talk." In his reply text, I think he could tell where I was going. I plan on just telling him the truth, about how I feel, since he deserves that much. He's a really nice, great guy, but this relationship would be going nowhere fast, at least that is my opinion. I'll keep you posted.

Dating Update

Impressive isn't it, that I was able to put the word date into the title twice, at least that is what I think.

Technically, I have already gone on my first date with a certain young man, even though it wasn't supposed to happen until tomorrow. He called today asking if we could move our dinner time to 5:30, and I said that would be just fine and dandy. Tonight, I ended up at his apartment after playing "disco mafia" which is just regular mafia in which a disco ball is placed in the room merely as a decoration. We watched "The Simpsons" and then went for a walk, enjoying the lovely Provo weather at night, surprised at how active it could be for a Tuesday night. The funny thing is that we already have a date lined up for Thursday and we haven't gone on our first date yet officially. Sounds like we're going to end up dating steadily. I wonder if my whole dating life will end up in such a fashion, to begin with one date knowing that you like someone, and continuing that in a day to day fashion right after the first date. He's a good conversationalist, there's never a dull moment really in the conversation and there's always something to talk about. I guess you'll just have to meet him and see for yourself, forming your own opinion, then acting toward him according to the things you like and dislike about him.

Mission Accomlished

I would like to inform all of my readers that I was asked out on a date last night. Hooray for beeforoni! And a couple of guys comlplimented my wonderful window washing today, so I consider today a success for me, on the attracting level I guess. I'm impressed with myself actually, to think I have that power and capability. Maybe the compliment from the guy in my ward that asked me out helped me today. I told him what I did this past weekend, meaning Friday and Saturday night, and he wondered how a "pretty girl" like me could not have something fun to do. I just better not let flattery get to my head. We're going to have dinner after work on Wednesday and then his apartment does movie nights on Wednesday, and Joe will be pleased to hear that they have a projector and a wall that they watch them on. I just plan on having fun and not getting into anything too serious too fast. I find it interesting that there is a pattern between the guys that I have dated/been asked out by. They're twenty-two, from California, have a vehicle, and are intelligent, of course. Funny, huh? When the guy that asked me out learned that I liked the Simpsons, he immediately said, "now that's my kind of girl" and was actually really obvious, at least to me and my roomate. He seems to be smitten, at lesat those are the words that I would use. Never thought it would happen to me, but there you are. My roomate said that he hardly looked at her the whole time that we were over there. I don't think I even really noticed. I think dating is something that I need to do, especially in getting to know other people, particularly of the male gender. I just plan on having fun on this date, I'm not ready to give up my heart and be that open again for a while. I'll keep you all posted on how it goes.

Don't you just love these?

Thought this might go with my previous post on friends/family, they're pretty much the same thing.

Friends

Recently, I realized how much I cared about my friends, how important they are to me, how happy they make me, the appreciation of their understanding of things I may be going through. When I lived at the dorms, I could talk to any person on the floor I lived on, and they would listen and love me for what and who I was. My friend who lives in Arizona, is a reader of my blog and just turned nineteen. She just sent me an email telling me how much she appreciated me, and I realized how much I loved having her as a friend. I have guy friends, who I trust and who I know will be there for me, and roomates who care about me, who would worry about me just as I worry for them. I have siblings who will give me a place to stay if life ever gets too much for me, and a job I can take off whenever I want pretty much. I have a great life, I've just decided, and advice to ya'll, read your scriptures in the morning. I'm sure you have all heard that before, but I have been doing it the last few days at breakfast, and my days have been so great, with no apparent reason. I'm just happy and I feel good and it's just a good idea. So, to reiterate my post, be good to your friends, read your scriptures, and if any of you are hungry for some chocolate cake, I just made some, so if any of you are starving, you know where to go.

The Return of the Roomate

She's back! It turned out that she was sick over the weekend, so she ended up staying at her own home for a day or two, and then she wasn't able to get back last night, so all is well that end's well. Just thought I'd inform my lucky readers of all that has come to pass.

Wanted: Roomate

I appear to have misplaced my roomate. She hasn't been here since Saturday. She said that she was going to be back that night. Then I thought that she would come back Sunday night then, since maybe she was spending the day with her family or something. She has work at 8am and then til 5pm. It is now 6:30. Her bed hasn't been slept in and there's no sign that she has been home at all, since I've been here most of the time. I'm really worried about where she might be. I realized I don't have any contact information for her, and so I looked her up on Route Y in the Directory. I am obviously not a stalker, so it should be okay for me to obtain that information. There's a ward social tonight, and I don't know if she even has any knowledge of it, since she's been gone. I hope she hasn't gotten into an accident, or anything worse. I think we might've gotten a call if anything too bad would have happened. That is my recent turmoil right now, I don't mind having the room to myself, you know, but it's when you don't know where the other person is and they were supposed to be back sooner is where the problem lies. Hopefully all that happened is that she ended up staying home longer than she expected, since she doesn't have a car and would be transported here by her boyfriend. I think it must be the maternal instinct I have or something, I act like a Mom some of the time, maybe because I want to be one or something someday. Anyway, I'll let you know if she decides to surface.

Another One of These Babies

It's Mother's Day, and since I had a recent post on dating, this should fit in just fine in my collection of blog posts.

Trials

Have you ever stepped out of your own personal little life and just looked at what everyone else is going through? I have never asked why for any of my trials, I simply look back at them after I am finished with a particular trial and think, I'm really glad I went through that, or, sometimes even, thank you for that trial. I'm not going through anything majorly particular right now, just headaches, feeling really tired all the time even though I get plenty of sleep, and feeling nauseas when I wake up in the morning for no apparent reason. I see my roomate's trial, of work, of dating while having a boyfriend about to go on a mission, it's just kind of complicated and it isn't a very easy problem that can be solved with a right or wrong answer, it's something that she needs to do, not something that she can be told to do and it may or may not be necessarily right for her. (A run-on, I know, but that pretty much describes the turmoil of trials and decisions). Another roomate has been interviewing all over the place to get a month long job to help her to pay tuition for school in New York. Pink Emmers is struggling with finding a job as well. Little Finger Sucker (she just turned 17) has been so disappointed with the fact she won't be able to dance for a show she's been working really hard at, because her doctor won't let her, with a leg related injury.

I think it's when I look at other people that I wonder why they have to havae certain things happen to them. I can handle trials myself, but to watch them suffer, to have something that only they can do, is hard for me to accept, I believe. Maybe that's supposed to be a trial for me, to watch other people endure theirs. Profound, isn't it? I guess since I'm not taking classes, I have to do something somewhat hard.

Phones, Laundry, and Dating...

I am getting a new phone! Yea! I just changed my cell phone provider from Virgin Mobile to T-Mobile. I am also getting a razor phone like Compulsive Indecision, so I might have a cooler ring tone this time around in the cell phone business. I also get eighty dollars back, which is really cool for me, since I love rebates, or at least getting money back which is the definition of rebate I suppose.

I have reached a new record for not doing laundry. The funny thing is, I still have cute clothes that I could wear. It's been about two weeks since I did it last. I'm also suffering from "24" withdrawal. Hmm, I think I should go to Una Tontaria's house and fix that...

I'm reading this book called "The Frogbuster" that was recommended to every person in the ward during the "Chastity Talk" on Sunday. It's a really good book for me, since I prefer learning from books as opposed to real life experiences. I just keep reading it and realizing "Duh! That guy liked me!" or "Oops, that was really stupid of me" and other related junk. I think it's interesting, I'll have to try some of it out, since Compulsive Indecision wants me and him to go on a double date. The problem is, I don't know anyone in my ward or in general who I could ask. At least the date is something I like doing. We're going to go to a bookstore, not buy anything, and pretty much get to know each other better. I already know my brother obviously, but the deal with going on a double date with a sibling, is that you're more relaxed, and the sibling may reveal more about you than you were planning on telling the other person. I think it will be fun. I just plan on talking to a few guys in the ward or something, and randomly asking them if they like books. We'll see how that goes...

Mormon Adz from Divine Comedy

I don't know how many of you have visited the Divine Comedy website, but it's pretty funny, at least in my opinion of such humors. Here's a small sample of their entertainingness.

FHE

I went to my actual ward FHE group tonight, which was pretty exciting, I guess. There are definitely some interesting people in it. My FHE dad is a hard core Star Wars fan, you should see the apartment he lives in. He's got glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, life sized cut-outs of Lea and other characters, as well as action figures in their original packaging. Thus far, it rivals that of Comic Book Guy on the Simpsons, at least that is what my humble opinion is. We played two games, one of which is called "What If" which some of you may or may not be familiar with. "What If" is about each person writing down a random question beginning with "what if" and then they put it into a pile in the middle. Then each person takes a question and answers it. Then, the first person asks their question, with the person next to them giving the answer to the question they answered. Most of the questions were about Star Wars, surprisingly enough.

The second game we played was called "Hot Seat." Each person sits on a chair in the front or middle of the room and everyone can ask them any question they want within two minutes. The person is also supposed to answer truthfully. I was volunteered to go first, funny enough, and they asked me questions ranging from my favorite color to favorite actor to shoe size to animal to food to height. Thank goodness I was saved from too much embarrassment. The people following me were asked questions regarding which body part they wouldn't mind losing, whether they preferred back to belly button hair, to webbed feet or hands, mullets to rat tails. What kind of family do I belong to? Anyway, it was fun, I got some exercise, and am ready to rock out to some itunes or something similar. I have spent part of my day ripping cd's onto my computer so that I can have a killer time, all the time.

Accents

I am back from my recent vacation. Actually, I didn't really have time to write in my blog, and I also did not have access to a computer, so I guess it's a break from my blog. Sorry.

So, about accents. I have recently been pondering the topic of accents. I have a knack for picking up and copying accents. I don't know if it's a hobby necessarily, but I think it's fun. Languages for example. My voice teacher in high school asked me if I was Italian at all, because I could pronounce the words after her seemingly naturally. A friend of mine who was in Russian Choir with me, Blue Adagio's brother to be exact, complimented me on my Russian accent on the word "la" in Russian, which is pronounced "lya," something that was not very difficult for me to do. I just like to study the sounds, listen to them in my head, and then copy them, nevertheless what they actually mean. In spanish class my freshman year of high school, I must've had a good accent, because my teacher always had me read the dialogues in spanish out loud to the class. And today, I was complimented on pronouncing the name of a Brazilian city, Curitiba, very well by an RM who served in Brazilia. Cool, huh? That's talent. I guess. So, I think that's a fun gift to have. I can't do that with all languages, I hate singing in German, it's just I don't know. Maybe I have something against Germany or something. Singing in Hebrew's kind of fun, it's like German and Latin mixed together. So, that's how I feel about accents.

As for my own natural accent, well, sometimes I wish I could hear myself, since I don't think it's that prevalent in my normal every day speech. Since I used to have a lisp when I was younger, I try to listen and control my speech. Sometimes I still slip up and say an s instead of a t or vice versa. Those were my trouble letters, you see.

I am writing this on my brand new laptop, so that is perhaps the reason why I am actually taking time to write in my blog, since it is extremely convenient just to pull open my Toshiba and go online to my high speed wireless internet. I love this thing, I think part of it is the ownership that it is mine, and only mine, that makes me really enjoy having this. Since I have shared a lot of things in my life with siblings and other people, I enjoy having something that is completely mine, all the way. I think I'm going to watch a movie on my brand new baby...I just hope I don't drop it, I didn't buy accident insurance, just a two year warranty, in which they will replace the battery once a year if it dies, saving me about three hundred dollars. Well, to the movie, whatever it may be!

PS I also got a cordless mouse, since I am completely incompetent using the keyboard mouse. Besides, it's cute, and it was only ten dollars!