My Ward and Ebay

I've said my farewells to those in my ward yesterday, knowing full well that I may not be seeing some of these people again til we're all in the spirit world together. It's kind of sad to think that some of these people, as strong as they are here and now, those young men preparing to go on missions, that some of them might not make it to the Celestial Kingdom. I hope that they remember those moments in Sacrament Meeting, especially during our testimony meetings, when the spirit testified and taught all of us. I learned something in my ward these past two semesters, and that is how to love. I learned how to see each individual with so much potential and light that I could see their spirits and their testimonies being manifest as they spoke to us as equals. I learned how to see my ward as another family that I have to go to, that people there I could just go up to and know that I could trust them, that they would listen and understand me, as a sister. They all became my brothers and sisters in those last few weeks, and I'm glad I was taught so many things by my bishop, and by my Relief Society sisters.

Initially when I thought of Relief Society, it was always the Old Lady Society, where you have a bunch of elderly women and mothers, discussing the raising of their children. I know that in a singles ward, it's different because most of you are about the same age, and probably aren't discussing having kids and what not. Back home it might be like that, but here, it's like a wonderful gospel discussion, where everyone is open about their lives and their feelings on various topics. That is where the strength of the church lies, is in each ward member. And as sisters and ward members, we strengthen eachother, which makes the ward strong, then stakes, then regions, then nations. That's what is cool about this church, and I don't know if I'll ever experience those wonderful feelings again in any other ward, but I hope to be able to call another ward my family, even though I know perfectly well how close other family members are to where I currently live. They aren't able to share those wonderful spiritual experiences that my ward and I had, and so they can only support me, which is good enough for me.

On a side note, I have recently bid on two items on ebay, you know, part of my once a month ebay purchase. That's the only way I can control that spending urge of mine. So, I have bid on a Weezer cd, one in which I was forced to listen to in the car by my brother Jon, because he didn't like my music, and if I sang along to a song I knew that was playing, he would change the station. Interesting boy, Jon was. Anyway, I know all of the songs on the cd, and think it's great, clean language, catchy lyrics, things I can relate my life to, so I think I may have managed to snag this one for about $7.00. Good old ebay. And my brother Compulsive Indecision has a dvd in which is one of my all time favorites, called "Pride and Prejudice" the LDS version. Personally, I think it's hilarious, having viewed other versions of the same movie and read the book. Gotta love that LDS humor. Anyway, so that one is going to be about $11.00, which would normally by form $15-25 at the bookstore. Those rip-offs. So yea, that was variety and the spice of life for everyone. I'm glad that I was able to figure out how to put links on the side bar of this wonderful blog, so as to keep ya'll closely linked. Puns, what would life be without them?

The Irony

So, yesterday, I decided that since I didn't have enough money to go spring term for classes, that I would drop the spanish class that I was enrolled in. I did that, and then that night, probably about a couple of hours later, I called and talked to my mom. She said that my tuition refund dealy came, and I asked her how much I got back. I got $1100 back, which would've more than paid for my semester here. Oh, well, at least now I can get that laptop I've been coveting for weeks and weeks and maybe months. I've just watching the price go down, hoping it would keep getting cheaper, and somehow better. I'm okay with my decision not to go spring term class wise. I need a break from the old learning process anyway, and I think I will be able to have a ton of fun living off campus. Hooray! Random thought for the day, as if this blog isn't random enough, is that a good author of irony, and one of my favorites, by the way, is O. Henry. Some of his stuff makes you laugh and makes you think, so he would be my recommendation for books or short stories on irony.

There you go folks, that was my ironical statement/life application story that I wanted to share with ya'll. Hey, do you know what's fun? Talking with an accent, the Western and Southern are the most enjoyable, in my opinion. Once you get started you just can't stop.

Another funny thing about my life is that I was sick, as most of you who actually read this rememeber, and I thought I was getting better. Then my throat started to hurt, and my nose started to itch. It's allergy season, dang it. So, my Kleenex box will continue to be my constant companion, always at my side from now on.

Blue Jeans

So I was cleaning my closet the other day, already beginning to pack to move into my new place next week, and I was trying on all of my clothes. I found that I had ten pairs of jeans, only three or four of which I actually wear. I've had most of these since high school, and they all still fit, so I see no reason to throw them away or give them to the DI. Something funny about jeans is that when my visiting teachers were over yesterday, I told them what my floor had voted me as, and they said, "We can picture you in fancy clothes" or something like that, and I told them that I love blue jeans, and would always wear them no matter what. They said, the only difference there would be me spending $100, but I NEVER spend more than $30 on a pair of jeans. They're merely temporal possessions, and you have have to buy new ones every once in a while anyway. So, basically, I love blue jeans, they're pretty much the best legwear ever made, in my opinion. Not that I don't mind skirts and Sunday clothes, it's nice to get dressed up every so often, but jeans are so much more comfortable at times. And that's pretty much how I feel about jeans and how awesome they are, and I think everyone should wear them, and I'm glad women were allowed to wear them in the seventies and stuff. Yea. Good day.

Bathrooms

I know by the title, you're all thinking, great, now she's talking about using the facilities, but actually, it's about walking into restrooms of the opposite gender. Just today, this guy at work, opened the door of the bathroom for the female sex, and almost walked in. This happened twice today. He must be distracted with finals or something. He's done this before, sometimes I say his name just as he's about to walk in, and other times I just stand there and let him realize on his own, especially when a girl is standing there, looking in the mirror. Good old Andy, always good for a laugh, the nice kind you know.

Have any of you dudes ever done that? At work, I see various other males making the same mistake, and I just stand there smiling. It's pretty funny to see. I've been in a guy's bathroom before, but it's always been on purpose. Not like that people, it's work related, we have to knock on the door first. Usually, the girls only have to do it when there are not any men to do the job. I hate it, because you feel paranoid that someone's going to walk in at any time, which is always a possibility. Nothing like good old potty humor.

That was pretty blunt. Good for me. My job as a sanitation engineer will bring me far, I think. Not. My boss at work, has been employed in a number of places. Sundance for twelve years, Thanksgiving Point, Wynnsong Theaters, and at my present place of employment. The funny thing is, Jared keeps buying things. He's declared bankruptcy twice, he just bought an apple book, which is an $1800 laptop for his wife to write her books on, and he just recently paid off his video ipod. They also bought a jeep in January. I wonder why he doesn't have any money, and has to work so many jobs. The only job he doesn't have now is Sundance. Interesting. Anyway, as you can all tell, work was wonderful today (not really), and that my work needed to be involved in my blog, as it is a significant part of my life. At least the part that gives me money.

Foxtrot

I thought Una Tontaria might appreciate this one.

Dreams

I've just been thinking about the power of dreams and the revelation that you sometimes get through them. A good example of this is Lehi's dream to leave Jerusalem or else they would be destroyed with the people there. Now let's say that you're a bishop or a stake president living in New York City and you dream that you and everyone else needs to leave because the city's going to be destroyed. Would you brush it off and just think of it as a dream the next day? I'm sure when Lehi thought about his dream, the impression continued to come to him, and he thought about this revelation for a few days. Would you tell the church members there that they need to leave their jobs and their homes to move to, let's say, Canada? I don't think I would be able to do that. Preparing in your home is one thing, but moving to a different place with only a revelation and no other purpose behind that would need a great deal of faith.

I don't know if I'd be able to follow a prompting like that, but I do believe I've been warned or told things in my dreams. It is a form of revelation after all.

This wasn't told to me in a dream, but I have the feeling that something good, something wonderful, is going to happen to me in the spring here at school. I don't know if it's ward related, or work related, or whatever, but there's a reason I'm supposed to be here spring semester and I'm excited to find out what it is. So, I'll let you know when I find out. And you're in suspense? Imagine how I feel.

Singin' in the Rain

I don't know if I've mentioned this, but "Singin' in the Rain" is one of my favorite movies. Do you ever have songs that just make you happy? Well, that's one of them, maybe it's because it's closely linked to memories of watching that movie as a child. My sister "Finger Sucker" and I would watch musicals on Sundays, as those were what was allowed to be viewed on Sundays, because of its clean uplifting content. I think I just finally got the words down to that song, which is good, because now I can sing it wherever I go, whether I'm in the rain or not!

Singin' in the rain
Just singin' in the rain.
What a glorious feelin'.
I'm happy again.
I'm laughin' at clouds
So dark up above.
The sun's in my heart
And I'm ready for love.

Let the stormy clouds chase
Everyone from the place.
Come on with the rain.
I've a smile on my face.
I'll walk down the lane
With a happy refrain,
And singin', just singin' in the rain

Don't you guys just love my lyrics by now? I think music and their words can express things sometimes that we just don't know how. So, there's my little post, you lucky ducks, and may you watch that fabulous movie one day, and enjoy the jokes. You can even fast forward or skip through the singing, just not that song, at least when it's sung for the last time. If anyone wants to borrow the movie, I have it :)

If I had a million dollars

I hate that song by Bare Naked Ladies by the way for personal reasons. So don't sing it around me, please. And don't do it just to spite me either, Compulsive Indecision.

I was voted by my floor here in the dorms as "Most Likely to Marry a Millionaire." I wonder if they're trying to tell me something. I would never marry a man for his money. That's just silly. I'd rather work, and be poor and happy, then to be completely provided for like that. I like to work, because I feel like I'm doing something, like I'm earning money, having some source of income. Now if he happens to become a millionaire after we're married, that's fine by me. I think I'd still have a frugal lifestyle, just because it's the way that I've been raised, and no one needs that much stuff. There's a quote by Brigham Young, "The worst fear I have about this people is that they will get rich in this country, forget God and His people, wax fat, and kick themselves out of the Church and go to hell. This people will stand mobbing, robbing, poverty, and all manner of persecutions and be true. But my greater fear...is that they cannot stand wealth." Another quote about this is by Daniel H. Wells, "There will come a time, however, in the History of the Saints, when they will be tried with peace, prosperity, popularity, an riches."

I think those statements are true. Sometimes we get so caught up in "stuff" and "things" that we forget why we're really here on this earth. I don't think I would like to be tried with wealth as a trial. I wouldn't know what to do with it. I'd probably give it to my family or something, maybe fund some poor college student, or start a business, such as a bookstore. So, there you go. If I had a million dollars, or married a millionaire, I'd buy a laptop and a house, maybe a camera, and that would be the extent of my purchases. I hope. I think that's why money's a trial, a temptation. There's always something else to buy, and a need to buy it. Nobody saves their money anymore. Personally, I like having money in my account. It feels safer, as if more secure to have something in there in case of an emergency. At least I'd like to think so.

These are my thoughts on the riches of the world. Really, there are few things that anyone really "needs" and so any other purchase should seem somewhat frivilous, in my opinion. But if you just happen to have the extra money...

Anyway, Happy Easter everyone, I don't think I'll ever get through all of this candy Emily loaded me up with. Happy 24th Birthday, Blue Adagio! Anyway, two days left of class, and I get to sleep in until nine. Lucky me. Enjoy your candy, and don't get a stomach ache!

Easter Chronicles of Narnia

I don't know if any of you have seen "The Chronicles of Narnia," but this picture reminds me of a scene of the movie that is symbolic to this picture. Basically, the Chronicles of Narnia, "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" is using a lion to symbolize Christ, coming to earth, and his Resurrection. In the movie, Lucy and Susan have turned away from the stone table where Aslan, the lion, had been killed the night before. A moment later, they hear a crack, and the table has broken, symbolizing Aslan breaking the bonds of death. You see Aslan standing in the sun, alive, and the two girls staring up at him, much in the same wonder portrayed by Mary Magdalene. Anyway, everytime I look at this painting (it's in the inside cover of April's Ensign), I think of the scene in the movie where the two girls see him as a Resurrected being. In my opinion, there are two ways to watch "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe." There is watching it like a regular movie, and seeing it as a kid's show. Then there's looking for all the symbolism, and types of Christ, which make it a way better movie. Good old C. S. Lewis.

Anyway, I thought that pertained to the Easter season since Easter is about Jesus Christ in his death and resurrection, and what better way to show that than with a painting? So, Happy Easter everyone, I hope you all enjoy your candy, and that you take the time to think about Christ. I know you will, you're all responsible adults that seem to care about the gospel, so there you go.

So you think you've made a life decision...

I think I might know what I want to be when I grow up. Will someone please tell me when that happens so that I can start my career?

Anyway, I think I want to be an elementary school teacher. How do you guys feel about that? I want to inspire children, and to do fun projects and stuff like that. I remember my elementary school teachers with fondest memories, that was the place where I learned the most in school and actually remembered it. The people I look up to and admire are/were teachers, especially seeing life in their perspective, as a teacher myself. I like to share my knowledge with other people, and I get along with the young age group myself, seeing I can relate to being in fifth grade once myself. The only dumb thing I would hate about going into the program are some of the classes. There's rhythm and dance, PE for elementary school teachers, teaching math (a subject which is definitely not my favorite), and other such classes. I just hate doing things in which I feel extremely stupid or childish.

I've thought about an older age group, like middle school or high school, but they're not big fans of dumb project ideas I'm sure I'd think up, and I don't think this college that I'm attending offeres a secondary education degree, but I could just be a dumb freshman and be searching with my eyes closed or something.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I just think I should pick something soon, that registration date is looming ever closer...

Finals!

So, as most of you know, finals week is coming up. Goody goody gumdrop. That's about all I have to say about that. I have two finals this week, one in the form of a Russian Choir Concert, where you sing, show up, and get an A. The other is in my online Lifestyle Management class (HEPE). I have that one tomorrow morning with a late fee. All it really is is just another exam for the class. La ti da.

The good news is, next week I only have two finals, and one of them is optional. My professor, who I called dude today, actually, decided that he wanted to make the final optional for the class. If you wanted to get more points, you had his permission to go full speed ahead and to take it. However, it could also hurt your grade if you do a poor job on it. I'm still deciding whether I want to take it or not, since I don't know what my final grade is. I still have one three page paper to do for the class. I just feel sorry for other classes, since some people have really hard humanities classes, in which they memorize music, and their final's an absolute nightmare. It was funny because I was sitting there in class today, wondering why I was even there if there was no final to take. I hardly took any notes on good old Machiavelli.

The other final is Sociology, which is an interesting class but I wish I could stay awake better. That would be nice to do. Good thing all of his power points are on Blackboard, thanks to Ralph. (He's my professor, I just like to call him Ralph because that's the way he would like it, probably). However, this final is on Friday morning at seven am. That's just wrong in my opinion, but you could be like my coworker Andy, who has his last final on the last day at the last available time. That's when the testing center scheduled it. Sucks for him.

And then the last week of finals, I have Book of Mormon, which I expect to be a challenge, but our teacher has given us a list of all of the things that we need to know. I just need to start studying. And then there's Social Work. I'm expecting that final to take about an hour to do, and it's in class as well. Lucky me. At least it isn't way early in the morning. That would definitely not be any fun.

So, everyone, that is my life of finals with all of my classes. Overall, I'm not too worried, but I do need to begin studying, so I will be busy next week a lot, but will be willing to take an occasional break every now and then to enjoy ice cream and other such delights.
Another long post for the whole world to read.
There you go.

Que Sera

Would anyone like to know the origin of my blog name? Well, even if you weren't curious, or were not wondering, here's the story anyway. There's a movie by Alfred Hitchcock, one of the few horror movies I would ever see are by him, and it's called "The Man Who Knew Too Much," not to be confused with Bill Murray and "The Man Who Knew Too Little." The movie is not necessarily a horror movie, but Mr. Hitchcock knew how to create suspense. Doris Day is in the movie, and in the end, her son is kidnapped because her husband has information about an assassin that they don't want the police to be notified about. The kidnappers hide in an embassy, and the wife of one of the kidnappers doesn't really want to kill this young boy, so when she hears Doris Day singing a few floors below she tells him to whistle the song, which is one that she had sung to him before. Whistling helps Doris Day's husband to find their son, and saves him from certain death. Here are the words:

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be?
Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?
Here's what she said to me

Que sera sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera sera
What will be, will be

When I was just a child in school
I asked my teacher, what should I try?
Should I paint pictures? Should I sing songs?
This was her wise reply

Que sera sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera sera
What will be, will be

When I grew up and fell in love
I asked my sweetheart, what lies ahead?
Will we have rainbows day after day?
guess what my sweetheart said
Que sera sera

Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera sera
What will be, will be

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother what will I be?
Will I be handsome? Will I be rich?
I tell them tenderly

Que sera sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera sera
What will be, will be

Que sera sera

I think it pretty much relates to life because we have no idea what lies ahead, and have only God who we can put our trust in. The Lord will guide and direct our lives, if we rely on Him. Somethings are not up to us to decide, and we don't know what is before us, that is why it is important to trust the one person who knows our plan. If we follow his example, try our best, and always do what is right, then that is all we can do. We can make our own choices, make our own mistakes, but we always learn from them, at least I'd like to think so. There you go, what will be will be, some things we have no control over, like what will happen to us in the future, but we do control how we react to these trials and obstacles. That's what makes us grow, and mature, hopefully emotionally and spiritually, depending on whether or not the Lord is with you. So I have decided to let the Lord guide me, to let what must happen to happen. Trials happen for a reason, and we might as well make the best out of them.

Sundays

Don't you just love Sundays? I don't know if everyone gets to experience the wonderful spirit present in a freshman singles ward, but it's so awesome. I remember my first few weeks here, all of those wonderful precious spirits all in one room, I couldn't stop smiling, my heart was so light and full of love. Sundays are so relaxing, I don't know if it's because I get to sleep in and take my time getting ready, or if it's because I'm being taught by other spirits, but it's wonderful. I remember at home, Sundays included meetings, reading the comics, getting our five days treat (if you read scriptures at least five days that week, you got a treat), eating pizza, and talking to various siblings on the phone. My little sister and I liked to watch home videos, laughing at different antics we had done as younger and sillier girls.

I think the difference out here is that we are discussing the gospel as peers, as equals, each of us teaching eachother, not one authoritative figure with a considerable age gap who had been a former bishop. During fast and testimony meeting, it's just so much easier to relate to these individuals who have gone through some of the same trials, being one of the few members in their school, or watching friends fall away from the church. It's just different, better for young people waiting to learn. It's much different to hear people receiving their calls out here, than it is at home. These are young men, who you are acquainted or friends with, they're excited to leave and go and serve the Lord, and you can just feel their spirit glow, and their lives seem more purposeful when they know where they will be serving. These places they are going already mean something to them, and they want to share this light with other people so much.

I think it's interesting that the people here, put on casual clothes for the rest of the day. For me, staying in my Sunday clothes helps me to remember that it's Sunday, and for me to act accordingly. I think that the commandment that is broken most often is the fourth commandment, about keeping the sabbath day holy. I heard of parent let their kids go swimming abou someone else's house, when it could've been done on a weekday, or a Saturday, and others of going to movies or doing laundry. I'm not reprimanding anyone who may have done these things, I just think that Sunday should be treated as a special day, since the Lord has given us so much, we might as well sacrifice some of the activities we would do during the week, and spend some time getting to know the Lord better, that's all. Naps are also acceptable, since Sunday is the day of rest, after all. Hey, at least everyone is wearing Sunday clothes to church, instead of flip-flops and jeans, so I guess it could be worse. I brought this up, because I remember my first ward prayer, everyone had changed, and I was still in what I had worn earlier to church, and I felt silly, and then I realized that was their choice, and I had made mine. So, I don't mean to sound preachy at all, but that's where I stand, that's what my values are, and I don't plan on changing them anytime soon.

That's why I love my ward, this church, the wonderful leaders who inspire me so greatly. I don't think the spirit's like this anywhere else, but I have time to find out. I may not necessarily know every single person in my ward individually, but I love them, nontheless. They're my brothers and sisters, my family outside of my family. They will listen to me, they will love me, and because of that I am blessed. Isn't that great? You've got to have your weekly dose of the spirit so fully in some way, it might as well be with these wonderful people whose spirits show their true potential, what they can become. I just hope they keep that with them always, that that light never fades, dims, or goes out. I've recently heard a challenge by some of my ward members, to try to have the spirit with you 24/7. Even if you aren't completely successful, you'll be so much happier and blessed. Maybe I should try it, maybe YOU should. Anyway, I'll let you know how it turns out. Oh, by the way, I'm almost finished with the Book of Mormon again! I realized for my Book of Mormon class a few days ago, that we only had a couple days to finish it, and I had been taking my sweet time, since class wouldn't end for a week or so, but our reading logs are due with the last day for reading on the tenth! So, there you go. My spiritual insightness for today, at least.

My Peers and Careers

Have you ever stepped back to look at all the amazing people that you know? I realized that I was friends or associates with people I knew were going to be successful. People, who you could see their potential in life, by how they pursued their dreams, or how hard they have worked in their lives. A lot of friends back home were in what was called the Academy, a selected few who submitted essays and had interviews with the staff in order to be in that group. There was a girl I knew who had an amazing singing voice and wonderful stage presence. She wanted to be an architect, and I have no doubt in my mind that one day she will be where she wants to. A few of my friends want to be doctors and nurses, like my friend Jen, and I just know she will be good at what she wants to do, especially since I've been treated by her before, when she was a CNA (Certified Nursing Assisstant). I know people who will be successful at whatever they try. Maybe it's because I see their talent or their great potential, maybe God's plan for them, I don't really know.

As for myself, I've always known I was special. Supposedly when you come out here, everyone is considered the same, but I have never felt exactly like anyone else. In school, I was the good one, the smart one, the funny one. Right now, I can see my life going so many ways, I know where I have a gift or a talent that I love or could make useful. But what I want is happiness, some life experience or career that will set me apart from my peers. All of my life, I have wanted to be a mom, to care for my children with so much love. I've also been a teacher, as my parents have informed me, especially to my sister. I never knew that I taught her so much, it was simply natural. I know that Lord has a wonderful plan for me, I've just got to find it and get going. I feel a lot of pressure to pick a major or a career, since my registration date for fall semester is coming up in a couple of weeks. I want to begin classes that will count towards that credit. I've gone over some personality tests and career tests that I had taken last year in my career exploration class, but nothing has popped out at me yet.

This is personal, but I don't mind sharing it. What I have been instructed to do, in a manner of speaking, is to choose a career that is compatible to motherhood, as it is hinted in my Patriarchal Blessing that I should choose something that will sustain my family, as needed. This has always been in the back of my mind when I've looked at different jobs, things that I would like to do. Here's a few careers that I've thought of over the years: teacher, diplomat, writer, in the military (I always thought it would be cool, and I've liked gym class, but the motherhood thing...), owning a bookstore (I don't really have any business sense though), movie critic, a newspaper editor, a columnist, a singer (maybe a choir director, as was my original intent when beginning at BYU), just something that would make people happy, and would please them. I think that's part of my personality; I always wanted to make sure other people were happy before I enjoyed my own happiness. There's a talk by John H. Groberg titled "What is your Mission" which talks about choosing a career. Some advice besides prayer and meditation, is to choose a major and try it. Go in some direction if you do not receive an answer. The Lord will tell you as you are attempting a certain subject whether it is right for you or not. So, the question is, what direction do I want to go in? That ladies and gentleman, is the million dollar question that will in nowise be answered in a moment.

Sore Throats, Fears, and Discovering Myself

The answer to yesterday's trivia is a., His baby brother. Silly Ralph. Today's trivia was lame, so I won't subject you to it.

I have a sore throat today, with a possible fever, nausea, etc. I hope I didn't get this from Compulsive Indecision, and I really hope that it's not strep. I should probably go to a doctor, huh, since it's difficult to swallow. I bet San Diego's glad he's not dating me anymore. Ha Ha. So, I called into work, not wanting to infect the whole world with this, and I plan on getting tons of rest, handing in a paper, and studying for different classes. And if I just happen to watch a movie, then so be it. I haven't had one of these sicknesses for a while, but I do remember that they do suck.

Well, here's my epiphany about life. I've always been afraid of a lot of things. I'm afraid of nursing homes, which I'll go into later, I used to be afraid to go to the store by myself. I was really afraid of driving when I began, but I realized how much freedom it gave me, and how liberating it was. I've always been afraid of failure, and most of all of losing a family member. If anything happened to my little sister, I don't know what I do. I would like to think that given a situation, her or me, I would go instead of her. I love her that much. I have silly fears, like getting caught in the doors of the elevator and getting stuck. I am afraid of people, strangers, unpredictable persons who I have no idea what they could or are going to do. I used to be afraid of showing myself to the world, faults and all, but wait, what am I doing now? The way I see it, everyone should just accept one another as they are. If change is needed, it is up to the person themself to change, no one else can do that for them. I used to be afraid of the unfamiliar, but I'm learning to try new things in my life, to be unafraid. I don't know if it's being here at school but I feel more confident, safer, like I know myself better. As if the real me was waiting to appear when I was on my own, when it's just me and the Lord here, not my mom, not my siblings living with me, or my close friends from home instituting peer pressure, it's just me. I make my decisions, no one else can. And that's the difference in my life. I decide what I want to do. And it's wonderful to know that you have control over your life. Well, that statement's not necessarily true, but the thing that will make you stand out is what you make of the trials, the things you don't have control over. That's part of what makes everyone unique. I heard a saying that's kind of funny, "I want to be different, just like everyone else." Back home I couldn't be me, because I was always so and so's sister, or this person was my brother. They would look at me and say, "Hey, I know your family" and that opportunity to know me as me was gone.

Well, that felt good to get out of my system. I'm not saying I don't love my family, they are the most important thing in the world for me. I'm saying that living out here, I've become myself for the first time, and I don't want to lose that when I go home. There you go, I hope you all enjoyed seeing into my soul, my true thoughts and feelings about my very existence.

Simpsons and My Shoes

Okay everybody! Time for some Simpsons Trivia!
Here's today's question from my calendar I bought from Barnes and Noble!
In "The Lastest Gun in the West," according to Lisa, Ralph Wiggum thinks a pinecone is who?
a. His baby brother
b. The Pillsbury Doughboy
c. Mr. Christmas Tree
d. Coney from Coney Island
Answers will be revealed in tomorrow's blog!
Do I sound enthusiastic enough or what? I know the fam will love hearing Simpsons trivia, since they don't get it enough while I am around them.

So, yea. My life is pretty boring right now. Actually, I'm planning on making pasta with mozarella cheese, but I think I ate too much food today, if that's possible for my little body, which is good, since I've lost weight since I've been out here, too much junk food I suppose, but I must be full today because I've been eating healthier the last few days. I'm going to a concert with Compulsive Indecision at seven, and then to walk their (their meaning my two brothers) play a basketball game. I was going to go running, but my running buddy was unable to go tonight, and the weather's pretty crappy and wet for us to do our route tonight. So I think I'll nix that idea.

Anyway, I think I need a couple of new pairs of shoes. My tennis shoes get water in them when it rains, and are then soaked for the entire day, creating discomfort and blisters on my feet. I have another pair of black shoes that are five years old that I used for marching band in high school that are slowly coming apart, and I need a more comfortable pair of black flats. The pair I have, has scarred my feet where the strap is, because simply walking is too much for them I guess. It might also have something to do with me not wearing nylons...So yeah, that's how I feel about shoes right now. However, I think I will live for a few months more with the ones that I have. The end of my story is right here. Hasta lasagna. Or the pasta I will be eating soon.

A New Life

It's funny. This time around in the break-up process, I feel like I'm picking up where I left off, at week three of recovery, I guess you could call it, instead of starting over. This time, instead of slowly backing away from the relationship, beginning to face a new direction, I am going face forward toward something new. I'm excited to start a new relationship. Please don't take offense San Diego, but our time together has seemed like a memory, or a dream. It's something that has passed, and now I'm looking into the future toward a new life. I think this time there has been something else to be excited about. I'm going to be moving into a new apartment in a few weeks, so I'm looking forward to being completely independent, no help from my parents at all. The semester's ending soon, and a couple of my classes have already had the finals. I was enjoying this lovely weather until I looked out my window this morning and it was snowing steadily, which it still is. Dang. I hope I don't get a yellow card for that one, like Compulsive Indecision.

I also talked to one of my friends at home that I haven't heard from in a couple of months, my friend Dustin. He and I hung out a few times over the summer, and he's a hard-core percussionist. He thinks a day is wonderful if he can practice for eight hours. Wierd, huh? Well, one day he'll be famous for his skills as a percussionist. Good for him. Maybe he can lend me money, since I don't know what I want to do with my life. I'd better decide soon, since my priority registration date is the twentieth, and I'd like to choose some classes that would help my major, whatever it may be. Whoa, don't freak out everyone, but this is going to be a short post, since I am off to Russian Choir.

Good bye, God bless you, Please come again. Have a caffeine-free life. We'll see you next time, same time, same place, so you will learn blinding incandescence, truths from the pages of the Book of Mormon, to help you through your sojouron in mortality, as you trudge along this telestial orb, as it hurls itself through Celestial spheres on high. (Brother Parker)

The Beautiful Letdown and My Testimony of Jesus Christ

It is times of despair and sadness that the songs I think about are about one who suffered above all. That is the Lord Jesus Christ, who loves us more than we can imagine. He gives us greatest happiness, and he has experienced pain beyond belief. The Lord will guide us and comfort us in our trials, he will bring us peace and love us for what we are. He knows our faults and our mistakes, he knows our trials and our joys. He will never leave us because we are his children. A Father never abandons his children in times of danger or need. I remember something my own father told me in a letter. He said there is always a place at home for me, if the world becomes too much. I will always remember and love him for that, and it is the same for the Lord and us when we become discouraged by the world.

But there is not all sorrow in this place, there are indescribable joys and friendships that we can experience. That is what life is about. It's not all supposed to be easy, or else we wouldn't grow from our trials. Sometimes the spirit will prompt us to do that which we have no desire to do, because we are enjoying what we have, but God knows our plan, and what is best for us. He does not want us to experience more than we have to. I have a tendancy to make life more difficult for myself, and so I may have more experience than others in life. However, maybe I could've had different experiences that may have brought me joy instead of sorrow. Alas, I will never know. Sheri Dew said in her book, If Life Were Easy, It Wouldn't Be Hard, that "This life was designed to be a test--a test to determine if we want to be part of the kingdom of God more than we want anything else."I believe that with all my heart. For the Lord, we are asked to sacrifice little, but if we are not willing to sacrifice that, then we are not qualified to be in God's kingdom.

The lyrics are from a song called, "Take My Mother Home," which is an old negro spiritual. My brother Jon sang this solo at a choir concert my junior year of high school. It's about Christ, and the possibility of what he may have been wishing when he was walking to his death. He didn't want his loved ones to see his pain, his struggle, he would never wish that upon them, to give pain to other people. Sometimes we can't stop others from seeing our pain, and we feel as though we are exposed to the world, as if they can see through us, to our hearts and souls. I believe we wear masks, only expressing the emotions that we want others to see, like joy in heartache, but I think our eyes always tell the truth. When our smiles do not light up our eyes, then you know that we are not as happy as we are pretending to be. The Lord is the only one who was able to give of himself so freely to strangers, strangers that never met him, but who he knew personally. That is a gift that cannot be taken away, to be known of the Lord, to be able to save those souls who didn't even know your name. That is courage, love, strength, appreciation, comfort. So, always remember that Jesus Christ has suffered all things for you, he wants us to be happy, though he wants us to suffer. He will always watch over us, and protect us from ourselves, if need be. If there is nothing else, remember that.

I think I heard him say when he was struggling up the hill
I think I heard him say, take my mother home
Then I'll die easy, take my mother home
I'll die so easy, take my mother home

I think I heard him say, when they was raffling off his clothes
I think I heard him say, take my mother home

I think I heard him cry when they was nailing in the nails
I think I heard him cry, take my mother home

I'll die this death on Calvary, ain't gonna die no more
I'll die on Calvary, ain't gonna die no more
Ain't gonna die no more

I think I heard him say, when he was giving up the ghost
I think I heard him say, please, take my mother home
Please, take my mother home

Life is strange. We open up our hearts, our whole souls to the world sometimes. I have never exposed myself more greatly than with this blog. You know my feelings, my heart, my desires. That is the first step to understanding someone. To love someone. I cannot lie. That can be a great folly to one who is playing BS. However, if you play your cards right, you only need to tell the truth. Perhaps because I cannot lie, I value honesty so highly. I hated it when my brother would lie with a straight face. It could never be called a gift to deceive someone. That is why I appreciate honesty, for what it's worth. It's not always easy to tell the truth, but when it is said, then there is so much trust. I know who I can bet my life on, who will come to me if I am in need at a moment's notice. I know who I can love with all of my heart, and who will understand my pain or my joy. There are few mortals that fit that mold, but one who lived and died on this earth is the Lord Jesus Christ, who saved my soul from endless torment and destruction. There are people who work through Christ, however, that give me comfort and bless me.

San Diego, I know it was hard. I thank you for doing it. You have more courage than I had, to say what needed to be said. I hope you will never think less of me again, and that you will find someone, who appreciates how absolutely special you are. As for myself, I'm okay. Maybe it's because I've done this before (remember last time?), but I'm stronger, more sure of myself, and relieved for some reason, that we established what we were to become for now. I cherished those days and moments together, and I hope you know that you have changed me, for the better. I'm still a bit naive, but I'm older, and lot closer to the Lord for all that you've done. I don't blame you, it's not your fault. In a way, I was prompted to say it, but I couldn't bear to say those words. Not those exact words, nor the exact reasons, but the end result would've been the same. We parted well, you and I, and I wish I didn't have to lose you. But at least we both knew that this was coming, and I wasn't completely shocked. You've made me realize how happy I could be with another person, and the blessings of being in a good relationship. Good luck with your life, and I'm sure we'll meet again. Sorry the whole world can see this, but it's also another way of informing them of social events in my life. Try and smile, okay? I hope that it's sunny outside tomorrow, and that you remember to wear your sunglasses.