Sore Throats, Fears, and Discovering Myself

The answer to yesterday's trivia is a., His baby brother. Silly Ralph. Today's trivia was lame, so I won't subject you to it.

I have a sore throat today, with a possible fever, nausea, etc. I hope I didn't get this from Compulsive Indecision, and I really hope that it's not strep. I should probably go to a doctor, huh, since it's difficult to swallow. I bet San Diego's glad he's not dating me anymore. Ha Ha. So, I called into work, not wanting to infect the whole world with this, and I plan on getting tons of rest, handing in a paper, and studying for different classes. And if I just happen to watch a movie, then so be it. I haven't had one of these sicknesses for a while, but I do remember that they do suck.

Well, here's my epiphany about life. I've always been afraid of a lot of things. I'm afraid of nursing homes, which I'll go into later, I used to be afraid to go to the store by myself. I was really afraid of driving when I began, but I realized how much freedom it gave me, and how liberating it was. I've always been afraid of failure, and most of all of losing a family member. If anything happened to my little sister, I don't know what I do. I would like to think that given a situation, her or me, I would go instead of her. I love her that much. I have silly fears, like getting caught in the doors of the elevator and getting stuck. I am afraid of people, strangers, unpredictable persons who I have no idea what they could or are going to do. I used to be afraid of showing myself to the world, faults and all, but wait, what am I doing now? The way I see it, everyone should just accept one another as they are. If change is needed, it is up to the person themself to change, no one else can do that for them. I used to be afraid of the unfamiliar, but I'm learning to try new things in my life, to be unafraid. I don't know if it's being here at school but I feel more confident, safer, like I know myself better. As if the real me was waiting to appear when I was on my own, when it's just me and the Lord here, not my mom, not my siblings living with me, or my close friends from home instituting peer pressure, it's just me. I make my decisions, no one else can. And that's the difference in my life. I decide what I want to do. And it's wonderful to know that you have control over your life. Well, that statement's not necessarily true, but the thing that will make you stand out is what you make of the trials, the things you don't have control over. That's part of what makes everyone unique. I heard a saying that's kind of funny, "I want to be different, just like everyone else." Back home I couldn't be me, because I was always so and so's sister, or this person was my brother. They would look at me and say, "Hey, I know your family" and that opportunity to know me as me was gone.

Well, that felt good to get out of my system. I'm not saying I don't love my family, they are the most important thing in the world for me. I'm saying that living out here, I've become myself for the first time, and I don't want to lose that when I go home. There you go, I hope you all enjoyed seeing into my soul, my true thoughts and feelings about my very existence.