The Beautiful Letdown and My Testimony of Jesus Christ

It is times of despair and sadness that the songs I think about are about one who suffered above all. That is the Lord Jesus Christ, who loves us more than we can imagine. He gives us greatest happiness, and he has experienced pain beyond belief. The Lord will guide us and comfort us in our trials, he will bring us peace and love us for what we are. He knows our faults and our mistakes, he knows our trials and our joys. He will never leave us because we are his children. A Father never abandons his children in times of danger or need. I remember something my own father told me in a letter. He said there is always a place at home for me, if the world becomes too much. I will always remember and love him for that, and it is the same for the Lord and us when we become discouraged by the world.

But there is not all sorrow in this place, there are indescribable joys and friendships that we can experience. That is what life is about. It's not all supposed to be easy, or else we wouldn't grow from our trials. Sometimes the spirit will prompt us to do that which we have no desire to do, because we are enjoying what we have, but God knows our plan, and what is best for us. He does not want us to experience more than we have to. I have a tendancy to make life more difficult for myself, and so I may have more experience than others in life. However, maybe I could've had different experiences that may have brought me joy instead of sorrow. Alas, I will never know. Sheri Dew said in her book, If Life Were Easy, It Wouldn't Be Hard, that "This life was designed to be a test--a test to determine if we want to be part of the kingdom of God more than we want anything else."I believe that with all my heart. For the Lord, we are asked to sacrifice little, but if we are not willing to sacrifice that, then we are not qualified to be in God's kingdom.

The lyrics are from a song called, "Take My Mother Home," which is an old negro spiritual. My brother Jon sang this solo at a choir concert my junior year of high school. It's about Christ, and the possibility of what he may have been wishing when he was walking to his death. He didn't want his loved ones to see his pain, his struggle, he would never wish that upon them, to give pain to other people. Sometimes we can't stop others from seeing our pain, and we feel as though we are exposed to the world, as if they can see through us, to our hearts and souls. I believe we wear masks, only expressing the emotions that we want others to see, like joy in heartache, but I think our eyes always tell the truth. When our smiles do not light up our eyes, then you know that we are not as happy as we are pretending to be. The Lord is the only one who was able to give of himself so freely to strangers, strangers that never met him, but who he knew personally. That is a gift that cannot be taken away, to be known of the Lord, to be able to save those souls who didn't even know your name. That is courage, love, strength, appreciation, comfort. So, always remember that Jesus Christ has suffered all things for you, he wants us to be happy, though he wants us to suffer. He will always watch over us, and protect us from ourselves, if need be. If there is nothing else, remember that.

I think I heard him say when he was struggling up the hill
I think I heard him say, take my mother home
Then I'll die easy, take my mother home
I'll die so easy, take my mother home

I think I heard him say, when they was raffling off his clothes
I think I heard him say, take my mother home

I think I heard him cry when they was nailing in the nails
I think I heard him cry, take my mother home

I'll die this death on Calvary, ain't gonna die no more
I'll die on Calvary, ain't gonna die no more
Ain't gonna die no more

I think I heard him say, when he was giving up the ghost
I think I heard him say, please, take my mother home
Please, take my mother home

Life is strange. We open up our hearts, our whole souls to the world sometimes. I have never exposed myself more greatly than with this blog. You know my feelings, my heart, my desires. That is the first step to understanding someone. To love someone. I cannot lie. That can be a great folly to one who is playing BS. However, if you play your cards right, you only need to tell the truth. Perhaps because I cannot lie, I value honesty so highly. I hated it when my brother would lie with a straight face. It could never be called a gift to deceive someone. That is why I appreciate honesty, for what it's worth. It's not always easy to tell the truth, but when it is said, then there is so much trust. I know who I can bet my life on, who will come to me if I am in need at a moment's notice. I know who I can love with all of my heart, and who will understand my pain or my joy. There are few mortals that fit that mold, but one who lived and died on this earth is the Lord Jesus Christ, who saved my soul from endless torment and destruction. There are people who work through Christ, however, that give me comfort and bless me.

San Diego, I know it was hard. I thank you for doing it. You have more courage than I had, to say what needed to be said. I hope you will never think less of me again, and that you will find someone, who appreciates how absolutely special you are. As for myself, I'm okay. Maybe it's because I've done this before (remember last time?), but I'm stronger, more sure of myself, and relieved for some reason, that we established what we were to become for now. I cherished those days and moments together, and I hope you know that you have changed me, for the better. I'm still a bit naive, but I'm older, and lot closer to the Lord for all that you've done. I don't blame you, it's not your fault. In a way, I was prompted to say it, but I couldn't bear to say those words. Not those exact words, nor the exact reasons, but the end result would've been the same. We parted well, you and I, and I wish I didn't have to lose you. But at least we both knew that this was coming, and I wasn't completely shocked. You've made me realize how happy I could be with another person, and the blessings of being in a good relationship. Good luck with your life, and I'm sure we'll meet again. Sorry the whole world can see this, but it's also another way of informing them of social events in my life. Try and smile, okay? I hope that it's sunny outside tomorrow, and that you remember to wear your sunglasses.